haha;

I gave up on this blog,
I feel misunderstood and this blog is full of a year that Id care to forget.
A fresh start in a new town deserves a blog with no memories attatched to it.
Central here I come.


I made a tumblr.
let me know if you want the link.
Ive found its better than blogger.

Dunzo;

Thanks to those who seem to care so much.
I have to say though, alot of what Im sure you have heard is bull.
All though Im sure some of it is true, people seem to think they know what is happening in my life when in all reality, its just rumors you are going off of.

I think I am done with this whole blog,
people in shelton will never see me as what I am becoming,
they will only see me as the person I used to be no matter what I do.
Understandable at that, but Im just sick of it.


I will make new friends and start a better life at school.
I feel like much that I have said has been taken the wrong way.
Sorry for that.

I cant seem to find the right words to tell you;

Why is love something I long for so badly?
It brings heart break, and feelings I know I would rather stay away from.
It seems to be more fight and tears than happiness anyway.
So why do I care?
Why do I long for it to find me?
Why is it though that every time I think I have found it, it goes away?
Everytime I finally let myself go, everytime I fully let someone into my heart, they just disapear.
I just want to feel worth something, it doesn't have to even be labeled love,
I just want someone to care about me, and to show it with their actions and their words.
My actions never show my feelings,
when I try to do good, only bad gets taken from it.
It just sucks so bad to care for someone so much,
yet to have them tell you you don't give a shit at all about them at all.
I really am not a bad person,
I just know what I want. Thats the problem though.
When you have what you want pinned down to a T,
its easy to get frustrated and leave when your not seeing what you want in front of you.
They say love takes work,
but how much more work can I put in?
Times running out for the first time ever and its scaring the hell out of me.
I fear I really have lost my chance at this.
Does it matter? Some times I wonder why I really care.
I need commitment and someone to make me feel like I'm the only one who matters.
I need someone to tell me how they feel. Ive never been good at guessing games.
I'm stubborn, jealous and indesive.
He has always hated me for that.
If it was love wouldn't he love me for that?
Fuck I just don't know anymore.

I think about all of this,
and I think of how badly I want to be in love again,
but at the same time I cant do it.
Nothings the same after what I have gone through this summer.


I have so many thoughts going through my head, and so many things I wish I could get out so badly.
The only problem seems to be that no one knows the whole entire story of my life.
I cant make any one understand what I'm going through because I haven't let any one into to my life completely.
I guess its just fear of their thoughts after they hear everything.
Every things a mess but its done.
Nothing can get worse,
its just up to me to make it better.
And thats what I'm going to do.

This ones for you;

I need a new environment,
I need new friends,
I need a new drive to live,
and I need new hope that I will someday be truly happy again,
and that once I reach that point,
something wont shoot me down.

I cant take every one I care about hurting me like this anymore.
Its breaking me.

Im starting to freak out with how fast summer is slipping away.
I work through the rest of August,
August 29 Im headed to the gorge for Dave Matthews,
the 30th Im going to bumbershoot,
and the 31st at noon I have a flight to Colorado and am there till the seventh.The stress is setting in:/

Growing up is fun, but its alot to handle!

sometimes its just to much;

There has not been to much to say latly so I have not posted anything.
My feelings are the same, they always will be.
Its not that my life sucks, it does not one bit, im lucky to be where I am.
Its just a hard thing to deal with.
Loosing someone so close to you is the worst feeling ever.
It just becomes to much.
Its hard not to be angry at god for all of this, because Im sure as heck angry at the situation.
I just want to know why.
Did he have this planned from the begenning?
There are always so many questions running through my head that I know will never get answered.
I hate it.


Things have been ok.
I got tattoos for Tyler the other day.
The honest to god best decition I ever made.
So many people were against the idea of it,
and allmost everyone I know thinks it was a bad idea and that I will regret doing it later.
I dont care, I know I wont.
I feel so good about it, I love them.
I love him.
I miss him so much, but I know in reality life has to go on, so im trying to smile.
Its what he would have wanted.

I have some amazing friends and family to help me through this too.

wow. lyrics are the best sometimes;

If you wait for me then Ill come for you
Although Ive traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place thats warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
Please say youll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say youll hold
A place for me in your heart.