sometimes its just to much;

There has not been to much to say latly so I have not posted anything.
My feelings are the same, they always will be.
Its not that my life sucks, it does not one bit, im lucky to be where I am.
Its just a hard thing to deal with.
Loosing someone so close to you is the worst feeling ever.
It just becomes to much.
Its hard not to be angry at god for all of this, because Im sure as heck angry at the situation.
I just want to know why.
Did he have this planned from the begenning?
There are always so many questions running through my head that I know will never get answered.
I hate it.


Things have been ok.
I got tattoos for Tyler the other day.
The honest to god best decition I ever made.
So many people were against the idea of it,
and allmost everyone I know thinks it was a bad idea and that I will regret doing it later.
I dont care, I know I wont.
I feel so good about it, I love them.
I love him.
I miss him so much, but I know in reality life has to go on, so im trying to smile.
Its what he would have wanted.

I have some amazing friends and family to help me through this too.