god. it sucks so bad when you feel like your doing everything right for once and then you get slapped in the face with something totally unexpected.
Im so unbelievably hirt right now.
For the past 4 months I have done nothing but push other guys away.
I have even gone to the extent of lying to my guy friends about not having texting anymore,
so I dont have to deal with them even talking to me.
I did all this for Jacobs sake.
I care for him so much,
and I just finally felt no need to have any contact with most guys what so ever.
Now come to find out while I spend 4 months doing this,
Jacob has been spending 4 months flirting with other girls.
Im a baby and I guess get my feelings hurt to easily,
but freaking a, im hurt so bad right now.
i just want to go to sleep and cry.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
AHHHH:)
I am in shock that NOMT oppens in 5 days. AHHHH. I can't help but get a pannickey feeling of thinking we will not be ready in time. I know it will all be ok though. The show really is going to be amazing. I love the cast, allthough some of them think Im mean for yelling alot, but you know what, its their fault for being immiture and noisy all the time.
Finals are over for highschool, and let me tell you, I have never been more excited to be done with a class ever. No more cage, can I jump for joy now? haha Now I just have two classes of choir, english 101, and yoga twice a week. Im applying for jobs starting Monday. Im excited that I will have time to work durring the week now.
Jacob is wonderful to me still. Its like everything I freaked out on him for, he completley took to heart, and has been working on fixing it. Because it is all fixed. I feel like he is working twards a purpose now, and not just being immiture and stupid all the time. Im so happy rigtht now.
Im really afraid that Molly and I's friendship is going to be messed up after NOMT is over. I love her so freaking much and I hope the stress is not going to make us hate eachother. I think that it will be ok, but Im still praying that friendships wont be lost over this. Im sure it will be fine. For the most part actually, directing NOMT has brought Molly Sam and I so much closer. I have lover every minute of it.
Well Im off in 7 minutes, so I better go shut down the office.
Finals are over for highschool, and let me tell you, I have never been more excited to be done with a class ever. No more cage, can I jump for joy now? haha Now I just have two classes of choir, english 101, and yoga twice a week. Im applying for jobs starting Monday. Im excited that I will have time to work durring the week now.
Jacob is wonderful to me still. Its like everything I freaked out on him for, he completley took to heart, and has been working on fixing it. Because it is all fixed. I feel like he is working twards a purpose now, and not just being immiture and stupid all the time. Im so happy rigtht now.
Im really afraid that Molly and I's friendship is going to be messed up after NOMT is over. I love her so freaking much and I hope the stress is not going to make us hate eachother. I think that it will be ok, but Im still praying that friendships wont be lost over this. Im sure it will be fine. For the most part actually, directing NOMT has brought Molly Sam and I so much closer. I have lover every minute of it.
Well Im off in 7 minutes, so I better go shut down the office.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
yeahhh!
Its like everyday that my life progresses,
I feel better and better.
Things could not get any better right now I swear.
The boy and I are amazing. Not even kidding,
and NOMT is going so well.
Directing it so far has taught me so much about myself
I feel like it is the first time I have truly been myself around everyone.
Ive made new friends out of it, that are so nice, and it makes me even sadder when I think about graduation.
Its nice to feel like I am a good example, and that people look up to me.'
I adore the freshmen in NOMT this year,
well more so two of them. they are so amazing.
I feel like I have a total grasp on things. I have not missed an assignment yet in English, feel like this is the one class I am going to get the most out of ever.
I like having it with older people.
my new friend Brandon is really nice. Its nice having a change of age in a friend. him being so older, the conversations are different.
Today was the greatest day with Jacob hands down. Ever.
And not to mention he got a car,
and is getting his life in check. I can really feel a change.
im happy for him, and us.
I feel better and better.
Things could not get any better right now I swear.
The boy and I are amazing. Not even kidding,
and NOMT is going so well.
Directing it so far has taught me so much about myself
I feel like it is the first time I have truly been myself around everyone.
Ive made new friends out of it, that are so nice, and it makes me even sadder when I think about graduation.
Its nice to feel like I am a good example, and that people look up to me.'
I adore the freshmen in NOMT this year,
well more so two of them. they are so amazing.
I feel like I have a total grasp on things. I have not missed an assignment yet in English, feel like this is the one class I am going to get the most out of ever.
I like having it with older people.
my new friend Brandon is really nice. Its nice having a change of age in a friend. him being so older, the conversations are different.
Today was the greatest day with Jacob hands down. Ever.
And not to mention he got a car,
and is getting his life in check. I can really feel a change.
im happy for him, and us.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
the feeling of relief is amazing
everything was better.
I feel relieved, and Its like I am breathing fully again.
Tonight was just am amazing night. I had a good day along with it actually.
I love my friends. They are finally just really amazing. All of them.
Jacob is better. He honestly took to heart everything I told him.
Even though tonight was not anything special.
It made me feel so much better.
Its the best feeling Ive had in so long.
Im so thankful for all of this.
I feel terrible for Morgan right now though.
I love him so much, and I have seeing him in this much pain,
and not being able to do anything at all makes it that much worse.
I cant even go see him and let him cry on me. I cant to anything at all.
I just wish I could go to Central right now.
I feel relieved, and Its like I am breathing fully again.
Tonight was just am amazing night. I had a good day along with it actually.
I love my friends. They are finally just really amazing. All of them.
Jacob is better. He honestly took to heart everything I told him.
Even though tonight was not anything special.
It made me feel so much better.
Its the best feeling Ive had in so long.
Im so thankful for all of this.
I feel terrible for Morgan right now though.
I love him so much, and I have seeing him in this much pain,
and not being able to do anything at all makes it that much worse.
I cant even go see him and let him cry on me. I cant to anything at all.
I just wish I could go to Central right now.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
F.Y.I :]
Well Jacob just read these. and now I feel bad.
I realized I only have been saying bad things about him lately.
There are good things still too. Honestly.
I care about him so much its not even funny.
This is just where I vent, so my anger gets strewn onto these pages.
ily jacob<3
I realized I only have been saying bad things about him lately.
There are good things still too. Honestly.
I care about him so much its not even funny.
This is just where I vent, so my anger gets strewn onto these pages.
ily jacob<3
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
"I Am"
I am always striving for happiness and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I wonder all the time if I'm making the right decitions.
I hear the sunshine singing in the summer.
I see my uncle smiling from above.
I want nothing but to succeed.
I am always striving for happiness and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I pretend that I know where I'm going.
I feel like I have a grasp.
I touch the beginning of my life after these next few years.
I worry my final decision is not the best.
I cry at fear or rejection.
I am always striving for happiness, and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I understand it will all work out in the end.
I say everything happens for a reason.
I dream of the day it does.
I try to do my best.
I hope it all works out in the end.
I am always striving for happiness and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I had to write that for my English class. It had a very specific format and at first I thought it was stupid. Honestly, this class excites me. Its themed on finding "place" where your bioregion is and what it is to you specifically. I think this is going to be really good for me.
I wonder all the time if I'm making the right decitions.
I hear the sunshine singing in the summer.
I see my uncle smiling from above.
I want nothing but to succeed.
I am always striving for happiness and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I pretend that I know where I'm going.
I feel like I have a grasp.
I touch the beginning of my life after these next few years.
I worry my final decision is not the best.
I cry at fear or rejection.
I am always striving for happiness, and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I understand it will all work out in the end.
I say everything happens for a reason.
I dream of the day it does.
I try to do my best.
I hope it all works out in the end.
I am always striving for happiness and am the kind of person who never stops wondering.
I had to write that for my English class. It had a very specific format and at first I thought it was stupid. Honestly, this class excites me. Its themed on finding "place" where your bioregion is and what it is to you specifically. I think this is going to be really good for me.
i wish you could see.
I wish you could see what you do to me,
how you make me feel sometimes.
When I'm throwing myself at you in the morning,
that just means I love you.
and that I just want to be close to you.
I wish you could see that when I get sad when you make plans on Sunday,
that I just miss you and hate that you are busy on the one day a week I'm free.
Chances are that when I'm mad at you for what you think is nothing,
that I'm really just annoyed with your reply to me saying I miss you alot being "I know".
I wish that you could see that fact that your lucky.
That Ive thought about breaking up with you frequently for about a month now,
but that something has stopped me. That I'm not ready for that.
I wish that you could see that I just need you.
All I need is for you to show me you care.
Like you used to, like I know you truly do.
I just wish you could see.
how you make me feel sometimes.
When I'm throwing myself at you in the morning,
that just means I love you.
and that I just want to be close to you.
I wish you could see that when I get sad when you make plans on Sunday,
that I just miss you and hate that you are busy on the one day a week I'm free.
Chances are that when I'm mad at you for what you think is nothing,
that I'm really just annoyed with your reply to me saying I miss you alot being "I know".
I wish that you could see that fact that your lucky.
That Ive thought about breaking up with you frequently for about a month now,
but that something has stopped me. That I'm not ready for that.
I wish that you could see that I just need you.
All I need is for you to show me you care.
Like you used to, like I know you truly do.
I just wish you could see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
