I have come to many realizations over this last weekend.
As sad as they make me, I have come to the conclusion that they needed to be brought to my attention now rather than hitting me hard later on.
It seems to me, that when one enters a relationship,
sacrifice is made to keep that relationship healthy and growing.
Maybe its just me, but when I started dating Jacob, all of my free time has gone into driving to see him, or into talking on the phone for hours. For some reason I feel like this is some necessary thing, and if I cant do it I freak out, so in the end I ended up sacrificing alot more than I think really needs to be sacrificed.
I no longer have great relationships with my friends, because as sad as it is to say, I put all of them on hold to spend every free moment of my time with or talking to Jacob. I dont hang out with anyone other then him anymore, because normally he just gets upset if I do.
I also have let my grades drop, because the time I should be doing my homework, has also been spent talking to him on the phone.
Going away to Central for the weekend made me realize a few things.
Not that I did not expect a long distance relationship to be hard or anything,
but now I know for a fact that it will end up being way worse than I thought.
I went to Central to be with my friends that I never get to see.
In my opinion I did not go all the way there to talk on the phone all the time and to text with Jacob constantly.
Thats all he wanted though. Even if I said I was watching a movie, or eating dinner, he still would send me many texts that sometimes were the same one just sent over and over because I was not replying. I was driven insane all weekend.
Even when I told him I was sleeping and I would text him when I woke up he still sent me a bunch of texts that just woke me up, asking if I was awake yet.
I see now that if I go to college with a relationship like this,
I will start this new section of my life sacrafising having friends again. And that is something I am not willing to do.
I see that this is the kind of relationship he wants, but sadly its not what I want at all.
I guess I am not ready to be in such a time committing relationship.
I still need my friends and my family,
and until this weekend was over, I did not realize just how much all of this was true.
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1 comment:
oh, i'm sorry!
i can understand this a bit though.
i had a relationship that had sort of the same issue.
and it's really hard to realize that something like the amount time you give to the other person and where you are in your lives has to cause problems, but most of the time it does.
i know it's not fun though. :(
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