its a never ending argument I think;

I had an amazing weekend at my cousins,
and while I was there I came to the conclusion that she is so lucky.
Her boyfriend and her, will get married for sure,
and he is so good to her, and they are so in love.
She lives with him and she does not pay rent, but his other room mate does,
and he brings her flowers every single week just because she cleans the house.
They are so cute.

I miss being in love all ready as pathetic as that is.
I miss having my boyfriend.
I need to figure out what I want.
Part of me knows that deep down I turned down love because I was afraid of loosing it later,
once I went to college,
but part of me still thinks it was for the best, and I don't need to be in a relationship right now.
Honestly, I have not missed someone this bad for a really really long time.
I cant figure out what all of my conclusions mean.
My heart tells me they mean I need him back, he needs to be mine again,
but my brain is telling me to be an individual for awhile, and that I need to do my own thing,
and that I need to et my life in check.
Its like a never ending tugawar.
I hate it